March 25, 2009 Wednesday (evening edition)

Good evening!!

Been home from work for a few hours now, had some snacks for dinner. Really not that hungry today, or I may just be too lazy to cook. The winter storm that the weather guy has been promising is coming to pass now....horizontal snow.

I feel a bit melancholy tonight as I keep having these thoughts about how it is in my mind and heart that I would never want to be responsible for the pain or hurt feelings of another person, and yet, it seems when I think about it closely, that my life has brought pain to many.

And now I wonder....this is not a new thought of mine, but I wonder if the very act of living, of being, means hurting someone else? Whether intentional or by pure accident, do my words and actions somewhere somehow bring another to feel badly about themselves, and how many times have I acted selflishly and put my own well-being before I thought of somebody else?

I think about the end of my last marriage and I sometimes am surprised about how callous and un-feeling I was back then. I knew the marriage had to end, but I often feel so badly about the amount of hurt I did cause my ex-wife and children. We have all found happiness again, but I hope to never bring that sort of burden to anyone else ever again.

This has been a time of deep soul searching for me. The "me" I think I am and the "me" I really am get into a time of confessions and troubling inner dialogue, and when I see clearly that my thoughts, words , and actions really do affect the world and people around me, then I can start to change and BE the person I think I am.

I think I am a loving, patient and kind person, but I know I am also a person with a sharp tongue and sometimes not enough patience. Those 2 things equal the ability to hurt another with words very quickly.

So, this is what is on my mind lately, and this has been the real cause of my restlessness and "boredom" I know that I need to work harder on my true being to bring a little more peace into the world......it's the hardest thing I will ever do.

March 25,2009 Wednesday

Well, a better day than yesterday. I had a better nights sleep last night, makes lot of difference.

I am on my lunch break once again as I write. Weather is rainy/snowy...kinda cold.

I am trying to explore my own mind lately as my moods have been up and down, which is unlike me.
Sure, times have been rough lately for everybody,but I wish I could stabilize my own mood. I find myself in a place where I feel bored and restless, sort of lethargic,too.

Could this be depression....lack of sunlight..maybe I need avacation.
Maybe I am just bored with my surroundings lately,I believe that is mostly the issue.

Anyway....life goes on.

March 24, 2009

I don't really know why, but my day started off with me having a very pissed off attitude. I wish I knew why that was.;..

I am taking lunch right now and am enjoying a warm sun as I write. I am just busy enough at work lately, which is a good thing. It is indeed great to have a good job.

I cannot help but feel nervous about the economy bush left us with, though. But I feel confident Obama can fix things....

The day...and life, goes on..

March22,2009 Sunday

A great Sunday. Slept in til 1030 am today. I am now tackling the dishes that have been neglected for a few days....waiting now for water to warm back up.

As I sit here, I hear the wind howling in another storm, reminds me of good times, and trying times....but I don't know why.

I feel a bit nostalgic today, I don't really long for the past anymore though. I strongly feel I am living the best days of my life lately.

I do miss some friendships, though. And White Castle,Vic's Pizza, and Vernors back when it was still made in Detroit. Oh, and Faygo red pop........

I live a pretty quiet life these days. I don't travel any more,I tend to mostly be at home or at work. I got 80 hours of vacation time....I dunno what to do with it.

I'll most likely use the hours as I need them for college...study time for finals,etc.

Well, I need to go finish cleaning dishes so I can cook and dirty em up again..... beautiful Sunday....

March 21,2009 Saturday

A great day getting the ground for my garden broken, spending time with my wife and the mutt.

I have been thinking a lot today about how glad I am that the damned right wingers are not in charge any longer. It will take years to fix their mess, but it will be done. I really can't stand republican ideology,or right wing bullshit any longer.

Beautiful day weather wise today. Makes me wish I was already following my ambition of home brewing, but I think the fall season is a better time for that as their IS a lot of water to boil...heats the house...

I am anticipating attending gnostic mass for easter, its good to re-connect with the source, I always feel weary when I stray too far from the unknown father,Christ, and Sophia.

Well, that's my rambling for today....have a great weekend

March 20,2009 Friday

A warm, beautiful spring day today. Took the dog to the park where she watched me as I threw a ball to another dog. I now call my dog 'broke down mutt'.

Started doing cooling start ups at work. Everyone panics when the weather changes in the air conditioning trade...I just go get my shit done, I get minimal broken down machines due to just being on top of things.

School will be starting before I know it. I can't wait to get started.

I had halibut for dinner tonight, pretty good meal. There's not a great fish place in SLC anymore though...last place closed down, I miss it very much.

March 19,2009 Thursday

The weather has been extremely nice lately, and I have been very busy at work getting my buildings cooling systems going. Nothing in the world like pissed off office workers,so I like to get these done fast.

Registration for college gets nearer by the day, and yesterday I started having second thoughts...momentarily anyway.
I actually am excited to get started.

Lunch was pretty good today at Arby's. It was fun logging into facebook. I usually eat alone,and it gets a little boring. I love wi-fi,one good thing about Utah is the large number of hot spots.

I had this thought today that maybe I could be a pretty spiritual person if I quit BITCHING so much...thought has been hounding me for hours now.

With that, I bid thee farewell for now.

March 17th, 2009 Tuesday

Not a horrible day. Better than yesterday as my wife is not all Evel Kenievel jumping my ass every 30 minutes.

St Patty's day!! I am cooking corned beef and cabbage..will drink a few beers later and some Bushmills with dinner. I went home early today with a bad case of the "fuck-its" it's a great thing I have sick time now and vacation days....I am going to start using them I think.

School registration starts next month...I am so glad, my first 3 classes will be online, and I found out that there are so many wi-fi spots around here. Next purchase with student loans....A lap top with wi-fi capability!!!

I also bought some pumpkin seeds to plant and some flower seeds for the front yard. I look forward to growing things this year, too. I will be getting into home brewing in the fall as well. I think this will be a lot of fun.

Hope your day is going well!!

March 16,2009 Monday

Welllllllllll

Not a bad day, temperature is in the mid 60's today and I kept busy enough at work to keep my mind from feeling too "giddy". I am finding myself more and more restless as I age. I am SUPPOSE to be mellowing, but I dunno..lately I just feel bored and cyclone-ish. Not a word, but you know what I mean.

The kids were over this past weekend. Well, 2 of the 3....oldest had to work, but I saw her when I took the kids back home. The energy they bring seems to stay in the house for a long time after they leave, and I am grateful for that. I miss them sorely when they are gone.

I got a new pda from work, this one has wi-fi capability, and I love having it. I spent lunch today at a hot spot on facebook. I also got to post at my bus stop this morning. This will make waiting a lot less boring. I'll be able to share my days in bits and pieces. I have an account on twitter, too...under blitzburwell...yeah, my porn name!!

I have been excited lately in the direction the country is going. There's a new spirit out there, and within me. I have this great feeling even after losing some benefits from work...a 401k match, but I know this will be ok. People ARE hurting more than me, jobless. I have been there and I empathize with the strain more than I can say.

Tonight will be mellow. My wife is mourning the anniversary of the loss of her grandmother..I think 5 years? So, we will be home watching TV as usual...nothing different...except I am NOT washing dishes!! :) AND it's LEFT OVERS GOD DAMMIT!!! :)

Can you tell I spent too much time in the kitchen this weekend?

Anyway, all the best...... til next time!!

Monday March 9,2009

It's 322 am and I have been awake since 230 am so that I could rush to the computer to find out if U2 was coming to town on the new tour, and they announced the new tour details at 8 am Dublin time....so I am gonna PAY for waking up so early.

Turns out u2 are NOT coming to SLC in 2009.

I dunno how I feel about this. My first reaction is disappointment, but my feelings of excitement for the band have been waning for a little while as it just seems like the fans are becoming more and more "trekkie" like and it's not as fun as it used to be to be a fan. Could be my age, too.

THEN there's the fact they are doing stadiums only this year, and I really don't like stadium shows, even if they ARE playing a 360 degree stage.....seems like the intamacy is lost, and the sound, even as great as the u2 people do for sound, is never grand...you HEAR Bono talking, but can't really ever make out what the hell is says in those big shows..and you kinda see the band, but not really...then there's the people, wayyyyyyy too many people and "we" don't know how to behave in groups anymore due to cell phones and just poor manners.

So, as I just lost sleep to find out if my heroes of 20 plus years are coming to town, I also just found out that I should be honest about the things around me...I think going to the tour , if they DID play SLC would be more out of habit than actual need.

So, it's a blessing in disguise of sorts.

I am going back to bed.