April 12, 2009. Easter Sunday

Greetings!!

Yeah, it has been awhile since I last made an entry. I have been out of steam on the writing front for a little while, and I oft wonder just how BORING this is to read anyway....well I guess that was the POINT when I started to write this.

I wanted to highlight just how mundane an ordinary, middle aged guys life really is, and it really is!! BUT what I can not really portray here is how important my exsistance is, and everybody elses existence is to the universe as a whole.

I have found that there are no accidents. Every conversation, relationship, act, thought affects someone else, affects me. But I can't really portray that here. I can just write it.

I don't know how many times I have been speaking to someone, sometimes just a complete stranger, and that person says or does something that I learn from. It may be just a random sentence that makes me think about a subject for days on end. I know it is the universe that has sent that person forth. I am sure my own life and path has brought me to another persons learning as well.

So, life can be boring, and mundane, but we are all so connected that without those of us that are boring, some lessons would never be taught or learned. I know i am here on earth at this moment at this precise time for a purpose, there are no accidents.

I am glad to be alive. I am glad to have seen the things in my life that I have seen. I am glad for the turbulent times and the pit of despair, for those times and places really have made me a better person, and the lessons learned in despair are so many times the lessons worth learning.

I see a better day ahead. I see hard work as I go to school and work full time. But I see a better end, and even more lessons learned and taught....


What a great day to be alive!!!

April,2009 ,Friday

When was the last time you looked at someone,something,some place around you and admired it for what it is and had no thoughts of changing it,or 'correcting' it...

I realized the other day that I have not just accepted the people places and things as they are for a very long time.

It seems I usually will say 'I like just fine...BUT or EXCEPT.
And it seems this made me feel yn fulfilled because nothing in my life was accepted on it's own terms.

So now I realize this, and I will practice my new way of seeing the world. Instead of BUT I now will say AND.

It is wet and cold outside today, AND the rain is washing away the remnants of winter AND it is very beutiful.....

April 2,2009 Thursday

I took a much needed day off yesterday as I was becoming more and more annoyed with people and things around me, and even with myself.

I had to stop and take a deep look into my psyche to figure out what was wrong with me, and actually it was self reflection that started my 'fucked up' feelings to start with, as I have been participating in gnostic lent meditations that allow you to see yourself more clearly, and then you try to right the 'wrong' things about yourself.

This is very hard work, I challenge anyone reading this to take a few weeks of self exploration of your psyche...it's exceptionally revealing...painfully so. It is like being born all over again, then going through painful teething and puberty all in a few weeks.
BUT,it is worth doing as you find yourself much closer to the 'one',the ineffable perfect father of all, Christ, and Sophia.

So, I took a day and just floated about. Spent time with my wife as we shopped at the bread store and some case lot sales at grocery stores.

I am now back to work more 'me' than ever...meaning happy and confident.

This feels good.