Greetings!
I woke up this Sunday morning with my head full of questions about what America has become, and where America's future lies.
I cannot help but wonder where America's courage has gone when the citizenship has been encouraged to be fearful about almost everything. We have been encouraged to buy plastic sheeting and duct tape because our government wanted us to be afraid in our own homes about some "pending terrorist attack". We were constantly barraged with "Terrorist Alert red/yellow/orange...etc" and we became constantly afraid.
In America today, we cannot fly with a full bottle of shampoo or mouthwash because we must be afraid of whats in our neighbors bottle. We must be willing to take off our shoes to get through airport screening because we have been asked to fear what's (possibly) in our neighbor's shoe.
In America, we gladly accepted the infringement of our government's wiretapping our calls to our friends and family while some politicians and old white men and talk radio hosts encourage a lot of citizens to be fearful of positive freedoms a majority of citizens voted to see take place in the last election. The majority wanted to see America have the courage to change, while a noisy, and fearful group wants everyone to be afraid.
"Be afraid of health care reform!!" the old fearful crowd shouts. "Be afraid of the president of the United States talking to your children!!" The old fearful crowd proclaims loudly. "Be afraid of socialism!!" The old fearful crowd shouts while they traverse to the library, public schools, and while they call socialist programs for help...like the fire department. "Be afraid of communism!!" The old loud fearful crowd shouts out while they wear sneakers and pants and t-shirts whose tag reads "made in China".
The old loud fearful crowd proclaims to be "a christian nation" but soon forget the words of Christ "Fear not, for I am with you." No, instead we simply give lip service to "being a brave American" while we cower in our basements with our plastic wrap and duct tape awaiting our "pending doom".
The America I know is not fearful. The America I know had the courage to send men to the moon. The America I know was brave enough to face the challenges of racism in the 1960's and pass a civil rights bill into law. The America I know will pass a civil rights bill for homosexuals in my lifetime.
The America I know has the courage to actually be a free nation. Free from fear. A bold nation who will take the correct action to make certain ALL Americans have available to them an affordable health care system where we are ALL able to maintain our health so we can compete with the world around us. A bold and fearless nation that encourages it's citizens to be brave, to boldly traverse the planet with no fear and with courage. The America I know is an inclusive nation, not an exclusive nation where "if you don't look like us, or worship like us, you are NOT one of us." NO!! we are NOT that kind of nation!!
We welcome ALL people, ESPECIALLY if you do not "look" like us..or worship like us. America wants to know you and love you and welcome you.
Maybe the old loud fearful crowd is afraid of themselves. Maybe they are afraid of their own prejudices, their own inclusiveness, there own self righteousness and maybe the old loud fearful crowd wants the American legacy to be a legacy of being afraid.
As the old loud fearful crowd has the courage to stand up and make all sorts of noise about what to be afraid of...I wish to stand up and proclaim that I WILL NOT BE AFRAID!!
America, DO NOT HAVE FEAR!! Stand up and be brave and be proud of the real America.
A nation that is brave and FEARLESS!!
To a bright future!!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
What College has Taught Me...So Far
Greetings!
When I made the decision to return to college and (finally) get my degree I had all sorts of concerns. It had been over 9 years since I had attended any college classes when I left due ti a divorce and then working 50-60 hours a week and not having time to go back to school.
This left me with about 4 semesters to go to complete my AS degree in General Ed. and also I found I could get an AS degree in Political Science by taking just a few more classes, so I decided to do this.
Back to my concerns. I was afraid that maybe I was a bit too old to hold an interest in the classes, but on the contrary, I have found my maturity and age and experiences to be very helpful as I have attended my classes. My ups and downs in life have made my essays a great read, better than I could have written at 32 (ten years ago when I stopped my schooling).
I was also afraid that maybe I would not have time to pursue my schooling with working as well, but this too has been a false worry. With the advent of online courses offered through my college here in town, I have the freedom to pursue my classes after work and on my own schedule, so long as my assignments are submitted by the deadlines posted.
So what have I learned so far?
I have to say I am thoroughly amazed by the insight college courses have given me about myself and how I interact with the world around me. Some notions that I thought I did not have did rear their ugly heads, and now I know to extinguish those things in my life. I have learned to see more than meets the eye in things I would not have noticed otherwise as well.
One important lesson I learned the other night while sitting in class (I am taking a live math class at my college due to testing in to a lower math grade..details following...) listening to my math 920 teacher (pre-algebra) and watching her show us how to do prime factorization without using a calculator (calculators are not allowed in class yet) it dawned on me exactly why I never really excelled in mathematics. It's because I don't like bullshit very much.
Now, this is not a reflection on the math course or the techer, the course and the teacher are excellent. But, my mind kept asking me "why the fuck do I need to do this without a calculator?" and "why the fuck do I need to do this...PERIOD???" These were the same thoughts I had in high school. I never heard any good explanation as to why a calculator could not or should not be used. It's a great tool.
In my head I equate not using a calculator for mathematics with building a campfire in your backyard..in the middle of the lawn...to cook dinner on when you have a stove and BBQ which makes it easier and more efficient. Better yet, it's like rubbing two sticks together to even light the damned things. OH and by the way, what time does the fucking sun dial say it is?
I learned the lesson of my disdain for bullshit, and it answered my questions as to why I never excelled in mathematic in a school setting. I mean, I can DO math, my career has depended on my ability to DO math. But I can look up any formulaes that I need and better yet...I can USE THE GREAT INVENTION CALLED A CALCULATOR to do the math.
All these years I had a fear of classroom math, even at times thinking that "my brain is not wired for math" or having self doubt about whether I was good enough to excel in school.
Well, my brain is fine, and I am good enough to do anything I want to do, and smart enough to decipher what I should do or want to do.
I just don't appreciate bullshit getting in my way!! :)
Thanks for reading! I urge you all, go back to school, or go to school if you have not started college yet!!
When I made the decision to return to college and (finally) get my degree I had all sorts of concerns. It had been over 9 years since I had attended any college classes when I left due ti a divorce and then working 50-60 hours a week and not having time to go back to school.
This left me with about 4 semesters to go to complete my AS degree in General Ed. and also I found I could get an AS degree in Political Science by taking just a few more classes, so I decided to do this.
Back to my concerns. I was afraid that maybe I was a bit too old to hold an interest in the classes, but on the contrary, I have found my maturity and age and experiences to be very helpful as I have attended my classes. My ups and downs in life have made my essays a great read, better than I could have written at 32 (ten years ago when I stopped my schooling).
I was also afraid that maybe I would not have time to pursue my schooling with working as well, but this too has been a false worry. With the advent of online courses offered through my college here in town, I have the freedom to pursue my classes after work and on my own schedule, so long as my assignments are submitted by the deadlines posted.
So what have I learned so far?
I have to say I am thoroughly amazed by the insight college courses have given me about myself and how I interact with the world around me. Some notions that I thought I did not have did rear their ugly heads, and now I know to extinguish those things in my life. I have learned to see more than meets the eye in things I would not have noticed otherwise as well.
One important lesson I learned the other night while sitting in class (I am taking a live math class at my college due to testing in to a lower math grade..details following...) listening to my math 920 teacher (pre-algebra) and watching her show us how to do prime factorization without using a calculator (calculators are not allowed in class yet) it dawned on me exactly why I never really excelled in mathematics. It's because I don't like bullshit very much.
Now, this is not a reflection on the math course or the techer, the course and the teacher are excellent. But, my mind kept asking me "why the fuck do I need to do this without a calculator?" and "why the fuck do I need to do this...PERIOD???" These were the same thoughts I had in high school. I never heard any good explanation as to why a calculator could not or should not be used. It's a great tool.
In my head I equate not using a calculator for mathematics with building a campfire in your backyard..in the middle of the lawn...to cook dinner on when you have a stove and BBQ which makes it easier and more efficient. Better yet, it's like rubbing two sticks together to even light the damned things. OH and by the way, what time does the fucking sun dial say it is?
I learned the lesson of my disdain for bullshit, and it answered my questions as to why I never excelled in mathematic in a school setting. I mean, I can DO math, my career has depended on my ability to DO math. But I can look up any formulaes that I need and better yet...I can USE THE GREAT INVENTION CALLED A CALCULATOR to do the math.
All these years I had a fear of classroom math, even at times thinking that "my brain is not wired for math" or having self doubt about whether I was good enough to excel in school.
Well, my brain is fine, and I am good enough to do anything I want to do, and smart enough to decipher what I should do or want to do.
I just don't appreciate bullshit getting in my way!! :)
Thanks for reading! I urge you all, go back to school, or go to school if you have not started college yet!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"You Don't Have To Go It Alone" (But sometimes you WANT to)
Greetings!
Well, fall semester just started and once again I have been busily studying and reading and doing assignments. I am also in the midst of a 5 day hiatus from my job; the first 5 day in a row vacation I have had since 1995. It feels good to have some time away from the job, even though I like my job and like the people I work with, it can still get dreary.
My hiatus has been good for me. Lots of time to think and be re-born. Nobody is as critical of me than I am. I believe the Genesis creation myth of Adam being formed from clay has a hidden meaning. I believe we should all be more like clay and less like stone. Easily molded versus having to be chiseled away at to change or embrace change.
Last weekend I bought my ticket to see Alice Cooper in concert at a concert hall about 120 miles (2 hours) away from here. He'll be playing in a small gambling town (Wendover, Nevada) where Utahns like to go as Utah politicians and religious zealots have decided for everyone that gambling in any form is not allowed here. I'll be hopping a chartered bus that goes to the casinos and the concert hall at about 3 PM where I should arrive just in time for a nice buffet meal, a few drinks and very minimal gambling. I'll be going alone.
Now, doing things alone does not always equate to being lonely. I have been all the way across the US by myself, I attend movies by myself, have seen 2 U2 shows by myself. It has been in the times I decided to be alone that the reconstruction process started within me. The reinvention, the seeing what has been wrong to make things right in my life. The observation of self can be a painful, birthlike experience especially when you are made of stone like I was.
Now when I take time to be reborn and reflect upon my life and my deeds (or lack thereof) it is clay I am working with. Maybe I need to mold my attitude. Maybe my ideas are old and antiquated so I mold new ideas. I am working on a better "me" and it takes time and reflection and a myriad of thoughts and inner dialogue and inner arguments....but the killer of all of the molding is regret. So I shun it during those times of reflection. I can wear it like a thorny crown at times,too.
So, as I travel on a bus through the west desert of Utah into Nevada past the Bonneville Salt Flats amongst strangers, I will not be lonely.
I'll be meeting my new self.
Well, fall semester just started and once again I have been busily studying and reading and doing assignments. I am also in the midst of a 5 day hiatus from my job; the first 5 day in a row vacation I have had since 1995. It feels good to have some time away from the job, even though I like my job and like the people I work with, it can still get dreary.
My hiatus has been good for me. Lots of time to think and be re-born. Nobody is as critical of me than I am. I believe the Genesis creation myth of Adam being formed from clay has a hidden meaning. I believe we should all be more like clay and less like stone. Easily molded versus having to be chiseled away at to change or embrace change.
Last weekend I bought my ticket to see Alice Cooper in concert at a concert hall about 120 miles (2 hours) away from here. He'll be playing in a small gambling town (Wendover, Nevada) where Utahns like to go as Utah politicians and religious zealots have decided for everyone that gambling in any form is not allowed here. I'll be hopping a chartered bus that goes to the casinos and the concert hall at about 3 PM where I should arrive just in time for a nice buffet meal, a few drinks and very minimal gambling. I'll be going alone.
Now, doing things alone does not always equate to being lonely. I have been all the way across the US by myself, I attend movies by myself, have seen 2 U2 shows by myself. It has been in the times I decided to be alone that the reconstruction process started within me. The reinvention, the seeing what has been wrong to make things right in my life. The observation of self can be a painful, birthlike experience especially when you are made of stone like I was.
Now when I take time to be reborn and reflect upon my life and my deeds (or lack thereof) it is clay I am working with. Maybe I need to mold my attitude. Maybe my ideas are old and antiquated so I mold new ideas. I am working on a better "me" and it takes time and reflection and a myriad of thoughts and inner dialogue and inner arguments....but the killer of all of the molding is regret. So I shun it during those times of reflection. I can wear it like a thorny crown at times,too.
So, as I travel on a bus through the west desert of Utah into Nevada past the Bonneville Salt Flats amongst strangers, I will not be lonely.
I'll be meeting my new self.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
What does All of this Mean, Anyway? Pt 2
Greetings!
Well, the last time I attempted to write this piece I was on call and the phone rang to send me to repair some cooling equipment at the county jail, which was a great time let me tell ya!
So, recently I have completed my summer semester classes with flying colors. I have once again started to learn more about myself and the world around me. I have always felt that the mind should be like a diary with a lot of empty pages that are waiting to be filled in. Everything is fair game in the diary of the mind from the "garbage" to the doodles to the profound to the mundane. I have always felt that the mind is best left with the unedited and undaunted queries of life no matter what those queries bring to light or what teachings that are often held so dear the queries would offend.
I don't believe in dogma ( a philosophy of already having arrived at "The Truth" so there is no need for further investigation of "The Truth"). I believe dogma kills the unique spirit inside of us all. I believe dogma too often blinds us into complacency and often times tricks us into believing in things that are just not true or right. I believe dogma is the true killer of the self and the love of life.
I have always believed more of progressive thought. Progressive thought is a philosophy that says we have not yet arrived at "The Truth" so we must always be seeking "The Truth".
Really, tell me..what IS true? what is Right? and why? and for whom? who said so?
There are no easy answers to those questions. What is true and right for me, may be blasphemy for another. Maybe, just maybe some things just ARE.
Not evil, not good, not holy, not satanic, not truth, not lies...some things are just what they are.
The human mind that has been taught certain moralities from childhood will have a very hard time accepting the idea of "things" that "just are". We tend to judge everything we see. We look at other cultures with certain disdains where maybe we would judge another culture as "godless" "sinners" "risque" and maybe the other culture passes certain judgements on another culture as well.
Think about all of the division this has caused, all the wars and misunderstandings this has caused.
Would'nt it be a freeing and uniting thing if we could all just see things as "just being"?
I don't know why, but this is what has been on my mind lately.
Peace to you all!
Well, the last time I attempted to write this piece I was on call and the phone rang to send me to repair some cooling equipment at the county jail, which was a great time let me tell ya!
So, recently I have completed my summer semester classes with flying colors. I have once again started to learn more about myself and the world around me. I have always felt that the mind should be like a diary with a lot of empty pages that are waiting to be filled in. Everything is fair game in the diary of the mind from the "garbage" to the doodles to the profound to the mundane. I have always felt that the mind is best left with the unedited and undaunted queries of life no matter what those queries bring to light or what teachings that are often held so dear the queries would offend.
I don't believe in dogma ( a philosophy of already having arrived at "The Truth" so there is no need for further investigation of "The Truth"). I believe dogma kills the unique spirit inside of us all. I believe dogma too often blinds us into complacency and often times tricks us into believing in things that are just not true or right. I believe dogma is the true killer of the self and the love of life.
I have always believed more of progressive thought. Progressive thought is a philosophy that says we have not yet arrived at "The Truth" so we must always be seeking "The Truth".
Really, tell me..what IS true? what is Right? and why? and for whom? who said so?
There are no easy answers to those questions. What is true and right for me, may be blasphemy for another. Maybe, just maybe some things just ARE.
Not evil, not good, not holy, not satanic, not truth, not lies...some things are just what they are.
The human mind that has been taught certain moralities from childhood will have a very hard time accepting the idea of "things" that "just are". We tend to judge everything we see. We look at other cultures with certain disdains where maybe we would judge another culture as "godless" "sinners" "risque" and maybe the other culture passes certain judgements on another culture as well.
Think about all of the division this has caused, all the wars and misunderstandings this has caused.
Would'nt it be a freeing and uniting thing if we could all just see things as "just being"?
I don't know why, but this is what has been on my mind lately.
Peace to you all!
Monday, August 3, 2009
What does All of this Mean, Anyway?
Greetings!
It's a hot summer Monday afternoon and I have just gotten home from work as I write this. I have been on call since last Thursday and I am still trying to fight off the effects of being sleep deprived as the on call cell phone did wake me up this past Saturday at about 3 am.
It was a call about a hot computer server room that I was told to ignore by the co-workers of mine that have been trying to figure out why the unit can't do it's job....long boring story, but y point is that once my sleep is interrupted as it was, I find it hard to recover from the "being tired" feeling, and that sometimes means I am ornery and unreasonable as the week goes on.
On a good note, I did just finish my summer semester 2 days ago, sans a quiz for poli-sci that I will take tomorrow. That is a load off, and also I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I have completed this goal.
With that, I just got a call to go out to a building with an HVAC problem, so off I go!
It's a hot summer Monday afternoon and I have just gotten home from work as I write this. I have been on call since last Thursday and I am still trying to fight off the effects of being sleep deprived as the on call cell phone did wake me up this past Saturday at about 3 am.
It was a call about a hot computer server room that I was told to ignore by the co-workers of mine that have been trying to figure out why the unit can't do it's job....long boring story, but y point is that once my sleep is interrupted as it was, I find it hard to recover from the "being tired" feeling, and that sometimes means I am ornery and unreasonable as the week goes on.
On a good note, I did just finish my summer semester 2 days ago, sans a quiz for poli-sci that I will take tomorrow. That is a load off, and also I feel a great sense of accomplishment as I have completed this goal.
With that, I just got a call to go out to a building with an HVAC problem, so off I go!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Random Thoughts about U2,kids, life, work, home...
Another Sunday and I find myself finally awake after sleeping in until 1030 today. I usually sleep in late on the weekends. I always have, really as I do awaken at 6 am every day and arrive at work at about 640 am. I then work til 300, often in very hot/cold, noisy, and otherwise very uncomfortable and stressful conditions.
Usually on the weekends I have my children, but this month I have not seen them as they have either been working, had holiday activities with friends, or have been off to summer camps. I miss them alot when they are not here (which is most of the time) but I recognize that I must not make it a bad thing for them when they don't want to come over as it IS important that they establish friendships and lives of their own without the feeling they are "letting dad down". I am proud of the three of them as they are very selfless and empathetic and very smart human beings....I like to think I have something to do with that, but I give them all of the credit.
I have to admit I am disappointed at my lifelong (adult life anyway) heroes, U2, for not finding a way to (1) come to Salt Lake City on their tour, and (2) make their ticket prices more affordable. Yeah, I know, I know....the GA seats closest to the stage are 30 dollars, but why do I have to pay over 50 dollars a year to be a premium u2.com member to "get the chance" to buy the cheaper tix? I have spent a lot of money as a fan of the band, so I DO have the paid right to bitch here for a moment.
I remember seeing the "Pop Mart" Tour where all seats were 65 dollars. Now, for a stadium show where 70,000 to 80,000 people are going to attend, I felt that was a fair price, especially since U2 would not take a sponsor endorsement and the shows ARE good, and the stage WAS huge. The the Elevation Tour came to town as an arena show, I did not pay for my tix, as I was there as a gift, but I am sure the seats were over 100 dollars...fine, you get less people at an arena show, no sponsors, OK.
Then I saw the "Elevation" Tour, 160 dollars, Ummmmm now I am feeling like this is getting steep especially since I just paid for the U2 show book and the U2 by U2 book....30-40 dollars each there. I woulda missed the show had I not done some side work installing a furnace/AC ...so close to xmas, too. Many went without gifts so I could see the show.
This brings me to the latest 360 Tour. Ok, it's great that the GA fans get to stand for 4 hours plus (including opening act) and pay 30 dollars IF they have paid 50 dollars a year as a U2.com member and could get a pre-sale ticket. It's a stadium only tour, which means the fans also have to fight traffic and stand in a long line to get into the show, and then the hassle of getting the car outta parking and back home...battling 80-90 thousand people. IF you did not join the u2.com site as a premium member, you get to have a seat in the stadium..somewhere...for about 250 dollars. OH! AND the show is SPONSORED by Blackberry. Now I am feeling a little much is expected from me to be a fan.
Stadium shows are usually a controlled monotany of events anyway, and to pay 250 dollars for 1 ticket and parking and programs and t shirts adding much more money, and then feel sore and stiff for a couple days from standing so long, is it worth it to me? Sometimes in a stadium show you are so damn far from the stage, you may as well be in the parking lot just trying to listen.
U2 are a great band, really the best in the world. I love the band, but I don't like the way they have made the tix so expensive now. I think 80-90 dollars a ticket would be more respectable especially in this economy, leaving some room for a fan to park and buy trinkets. I am disappointed at the band for the steep costs inflicted on the fans for this tour. I would have been more impressed if they would have stuck to arenas and kept things affordable that way.
How much is enough? I always wonder.
Anyway, that's my bitching for today. It's hard to remember sometimes that fans are not always going to be happy with a band (see "Pop") but we do keep coming back for more...happily.
Have a great week!
Usually on the weekends I have my children, but this month I have not seen them as they have either been working, had holiday activities with friends, or have been off to summer camps. I miss them alot when they are not here (which is most of the time) but I recognize that I must not make it a bad thing for them when they don't want to come over as it IS important that they establish friendships and lives of their own without the feeling they are "letting dad down". I am proud of the three of them as they are very selfless and empathetic and very smart human beings....I like to think I have something to do with that, but I give them all of the credit.
I have to admit I am disappointed at my lifelong (adult life anyway) heroes, U2, for not finding a way to (1) come to Salt Lake City on their tour, and (2) make their ticket prices more affordable. Yeah, I know, I know....the GA seats closest to the stage are 30 dollars, but why do I have to pay over 50 dollars a year to be a premium u2.com member to "get the chance" to buy the cheaper tix? I have spent a lot of money as a fan of the band, so I DO have the paid right to bitch here for a moment.
I remember seeing the "Pop Mart" Tour where all seats were 65 dollars. Now, for a stadium show where 70,000 to 80,000 people are going to attend, I felt that was a fair price, especially since U2 would not take a sponsor endorsement and the shows ARE good, and the stage WAS huge. The the Elevation Tour came to town as an arena show, I did not pay for my tix, as I was there as a gift, but I am sure the seats were over 100 dollars...fine, you get less people at an arena show, no sponsors, OK.
Then I saw the "Elevation" Tour, 160 dollars, Ummmmm now I am feeling like this is getting steep especially since I just paid for the U2 show book and the U2 by U2 book....30-40 dollars each there. I woulda missed the show had I not done some side work installing a furnace/AC ...so close to xmas, too. Many went without gifts so I could see the show.
This brings me to the latest 360 Tour. Ok, it's great that the GA fans get to stand for 4 hours plus (including opening act) and pay 30 dollars IF they have paid 50 dollars a year as a U2.com member and could get a pre-sale ticket. It's a stadium only tour, which means the fans also have to fight traffic and stand in a long line to get into the show, and then the hassle of getting the car outta parking and back home...battling 80-90 thousand people. IF you did not join the u2.com site as a premium member, you get to have a seat in the stadium..somewhere...for about 250 dollars. OH! AND the show is SPONSORED by Blackberry. Now I am feeling a little much is expected from me to be a fan.
Stadium shows are usually a controlled monotany of events anyway, and to pay 250 dollars for 1 ticket and parking and programs and t shirts adding much more money, and then feel sore and stiff for a couple days from standing so long, is it worth it to me? Sometimes in a stadium show you are so damn far from the stage, you may as well be in the parking lot just trying to listen.
U2 are a great band, really the best in the world. I love the band, but I don't like the way they have made the tix so expensive now. I think 80-90 dollars a ticket would be more respectable especially in this economy, leaving some room for a fan to park and buy trinkets. I am disappointed at the band for the steep costs inflicted on the fans for this tour. I would have been more impressed if they would have stuck to arenas and kept things affordable that way.
How much is enough? I always wonder.
Anyway, that's my bitching for today. It's hard to remember sometimes that fans are not always going to be happy with a band (see "Pop") but we do keep coming back for more...happily.
Have a great week!
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Spiritual "Center"
I have been reflecting today on my own spirituality.
It's a curious thing that I know exactly when it is that I am further away from that "center".
I find that I start to get selfish, vengeful, angry, frustrated, restless. Almost any negative emotion I can name is what I tend to feel more of when I am not centered. I hate to be around people (more than usual) and they generally hate to be around me.
I want to sleep more and do less. I start to say "oh fuck that" more than usual,too, instead of "how can I help?".
When I am closer to my spirituality, I find that life flows much better. I am not struggling through the day as much, and the days seem better. I am more peaceful and I attract goodness to my personal space. I become the real "me" the person I have spent countless hours alone with, made that Greyhound trip with and that Amtrak trip with. The "me" that sings and dances and more quickly than I realize, tells that joke or makes that funny comment that annoys or makes other laugh...or both at once.
I have been away from that center lately. I have been kinda miserable.
And right now, I could really use that spiritual boost as I am nearing the "finals" period of my 1st semester back in school in 9 years. I have been working in the heat all day, and then coming home at night doing my assignments until almost 11 at night. NO WONDER I have drifted!! :)
So, this week I will find that quiet spot I love, and I will say my meditations, I will ask for the holy wisdom to fill me, and I will once again feel like a whole human being.
Makes me wonder why I don't take time to do this more often.
It's a curious thing that I know exactly when it is that I am further away from that "center".
I find that I start to get selfish, vengeful, angry, frustrated, restless. Almost any negative emotion I can name is what I tend to feel more of when I am not centered. I hate to be around people (more than usual) and they generally hate to be around me.
I want to sleep more and do less. I start to say "oh fuck that" more than usual,too, instead of "how can I help?".
When I am closer to my spirituality, I find that life flows much better. I am not struggling through the day as much, and the days seem better. I am more peaceful and I attract goodness to my personal space. I become the real "me" the person I have spent countless hours alone with, made that Greyhound trip with and that Amtrak trip with. The "me" that sings and dances and more quickly than I realize, tells that joke or makes that funny comment that annoys or makes other laugh...or both at once.
I have been away from that center lately. I have been kinda miserable.
And right now, I could really use that spiritual boost as I am nearing the "finals" period of my 1st semester back in school in 9 years. I have been working in the heat all day, and then coming home at night doing my assignments until almost 11 at night. NO WONDER I have drifted!! :)
So, this week I will find that quiet spot I love, and I will say my meditations, I will ask for the holy wisdom to fill me, and I will once again feel like a whole human being.
Makes me wonder why I don't take time to do this more often.
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